2009, Man what a Year!!!!

2009, is almost over! It has been a heck of a year for us! We had the best thing ever happen to us when our daughter, Madison, was born. There were some crummy things that happened too. We gave up our house, filed bankruptcy, and had to learn to accept lots of help. This year I think has been a life changing year for me. I have learned that things are of no use, I still like things though, don't get me wrong. To be happy you just need your loved ones around you, support from friends, and a "home". I definitely had to rethink what I knew that I needed in life to be happy, but found so many blessings along the way. I know that God is here for me and my family and having his love go with me everywhere I go is so much more than I could ever ask for. Having a husband that changed his career, worked his ass off to support us, gave up the home he bought for us, and got through it has made me soooo proud. He helped me sooo much when Madi was born. If not for him I think I would have gone crazy. I know that sounds sad to say now, but it is hard to enjoy your newborn baby when you are a worry-wart and you don't know when you are going to be able to pay bills, and if your husband will ever find a job. We have figured out that the people who truly love you, will be there for you when you really, really need it. These are the people in my life that words cannot express the gratitude we have for them. We learned that it is ok to accept help, after being sooo self sufficient for so long. It has been hard. Then you have to realize that God put these people in your life for a reason and you need to accept there help. You never know the blessing you are to them and the blessing that others will see from their giving and your acceptance. I love my life, even if I don't own a home, I have crappy credit, I have no money in savings and not sure when things are gonna change. God still blesses me and my family everyday. I have the most beautiful, wonderful baby girl in the world. I have a husband that loves and supports me. I have parents that support and give us sooo much. I have great friends and church family. I may not be rich by the worlds standards, but in our way we absolutely are loaded!!!!

More Changes: Heart does not equal Head

So.... we have been soooo blessed to be living in such a great place and with people who are truly good friends. Now we have been given another good offer. Our youth leader, from when we were growing up, has offered to let us move into her basement apt. PROS: It is FREE, it is bigger than where we are at now, will be 2 mins from my parents, probably have a better time getting back to work, will be in the area we are going to get our own house at, will have a dishwasher, a dining room table, our own washer and dryer and possibly extra room to put the baby's bed in. CONS: We are really happy where we are at and love our friends and their girls.
I know this is the right decision, but my heart is not in it. We have been sooo much happier than I ever thought we would be here that I am sooo scared to mess it up. With it being free though we can save up money towards getting our own house with my parents. Everyone I talk to thinks this is the best decision for us and our family. Again, in my head know that it is the right decision, but my heart hurts a little. Our friends we stay with gave us a place of our own when no one else did and I will be forever grateful!!! I love me some Whaley's!!!!

Prayers for upcoming changes

We had a great first Halloween for Madi and a first Thanksgiving! She was a pooh flower for Halloween and had a great outfit with a turkey hat for Thanksgiving. I am soooo thankful to have her in my life!!! We over the holidays after alot of discussion with my parents have decided something. My parents are going to try and sell their house after the first of the year and then get a new big house we can all share. Something with an in-law suite in the basement for them and the upstairs for us. This will be sooo helpful so that each family is paying half the mortgage and half the bills. It will help us especially now so we can get our own place sooner, but help my parents later on so my dad doesn't have to worry about working and my mom can sometime retire. We are just asking for prayers that this is God's will and the right decision for all of us. We are all really excited, but want this to be in God's plan. First, we have to sell my mom and dad's house and hope there is still some equity in it for the next house and also find a new bigger house, in Lilburn, with an in-law suite and in a good price range. I know that with prayer and God's will this can all happen. So, pray for us that this can happen and we can make this work. I have great parents and know this can help all of us soooo well!!!!

Almost done

So, we officially filed our bankruptcy and gone to court for it. Pending any weirdness we shouldn't be asked to sell anything off. The court experience wasn't bad. She just asked and few questions and sent us on our way. Tomorrow, Ray, Jason, Chad and my dad are going to finish getting everthing out of our old house and put in storage. We will go over on Monday and make sure we are good to go. It will be soooooo nice for that to be done. Just something big hanging over our heads. Then it will feel like a chapter in our lives is closed and we can work on moving on. We can work on saving some money, paying off our parents and hopefully in a year or so finding a new house. I am perfectly havppy where we are at for now. Our friends are so good to us. They share dinner with us often, let us take over their basement and are concerned when we are not home. It is just nice to have people care about you so much. I hopefully will go back to work in a few weeks and get a new routine down. All of this in a sense stinks, but I have a great life. I have the best baby girl in the world and never realized I could love her soooo much. In a mild comparison, it is like Christmas morning when you wake up and see that sweet face. Even the times she keeps you up all night you still don't feel resentful at her or anything. It is a relationship that is so innocent and fresh. I just loving being her mother and she is my everything. Also, I have a WONDERFUL husband. He has been working his regular job, working part time 24 hr shifts and still packing up our old house. He does so much so I can stay home with our baby and I love him for it. I cannot believe how lucky and blessed I am. God will always take care of us and he loves us so much. One of my fav bible verses is Ephesians 1:11: It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. If weren't for him we wouldn't have a purpose and I try to remember to thank him for that everyday!!!!!

Here we are

So...now we have been living with our friends for 2 weeks and I would say it is going really well. We have dinner together sometimes, but mainly do our own things. I think once they go back to school tomorrow we will probably see each other even less. I hope we can continue to make this work. We only have to share laundry and I try to only use when they are not, but sometimes it's not so easy when there is a baby involved, like yesterday Madison never pooped so today when she finally did (in her carseat on the way home from church) it was EVERYWHERE!!!! Ray and I figured out pretty fast how to take a carseat cover and the straps off as much as possible to clean them. I just think we are so blessed, there are many people in our situation out there and don't have anywhere to turn too. We have friends who took us in and that is so giving! I hope I can repay them or in their honor help someone else someday! Of I go now to play with the love of my life, Madison Yvonne!!! God Bless!!!

CHANGES

So...many of family and some very close friends know about the changes going on in our lives, but now it's time to get it off my chest and let everyone know. I hate that the same thing is happening to other families, but doesn't make me feel so alone. Raymon was without a job for almost 3 months and even though he now has found a GREAT job is does pay quite a bit less and this was the job that payed the closest to what he was getting payed. I of course am not working as much b/c it has been really hard on me and Madison to be away from one another. After using all our savings, cashing out our 401K, and borrowing from parents we tried to make things work. That totally helped us for a month or two, but now after crunching the numbers we do not make enough money to pay our bills every month. So, at first we thought we would just foreclose on our house, but after thinking we were going to mess up our credit we figured we might as well file bankruptcy and have all our debt erased and start from scratch. Now we are moving into our great friends basement. They have an in-law suite in their basement, so we will have our own bedroom, bathroom, living room and small kitchen. Madison's crib will have to go in the living room, but we will make it work. We are going to stay there for hopefully only a year and a half and save up some money(we have to pay back our parents before we start saving). There is part of this that TOTALLY sucks because we are giving up our house, our credit is going to suck for awhile and we are moving to a new area. But I am really thinking that this is a blessing in disguise. We have just decided that having our beautiful daughter has changed everything for us. We could both work our asses off, never see each other or our daughter and make ends barely meet, but we do not want that. We want to see her grow up and not miss anything. I think this is all God's will!!!! We are learning to live without credit cards and on very little. We can save up some good money, and have a good down payment for our next house since our credit will be terrible. I think this whole thing has taught us that we don't have to have lots of THINGS, just having each other is what matters. We have each other, a beautiful baby girl, a great family, good friends and a wonderful church family. That's all that matters :) It anyone else is going through a hard time just pray about it and God will help you figure out what's best for you!!! And remember you are not the only ones!!!

Things Every New Mom Should Have

I know that I have only been a mother for 10 weeks, but that's a good while also! I have already learned there are many things I think are "essentials" when having a new baby. I used to buy a cute little outfit for a baby shower and think how good I did. Now as a mother I would buy something totally different(not that clothes are not great too). So next time you want to get something really necessary at a baby shower here are some ideas, especially if the mother is breast feeding:

(1) Medela double breast pump: I know that it is expensive, but get together with some people or get a gift card aimed towards it. It only takes 10-15 mins to pump both breasts and that's long enough when you are at home alone with a baby. http://www.target.com/Medela-Pump-Style-Breast-Shoulder/dp/B0011E5LYE/sr=1-7/qid=1244740477/ref=sr_1_7/187-5868212-4508418?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=0&index=target&rh=k%3Amedela&page=1

(2) Medela Disposable Breast Pads: only about $10 for a box that lasts a month. These are something a breast feeding mother wears everyday to keep from leaking on her clothes. They have a sticky pad so it can stick in your bra better. You can get these at Target or BabiesRUS. http://store.nursingmothersupplies.com/cgi-bin/store-mothernursingsupplies/00238.html?id=yqe9vDQw

(3)Swaddles: Again, these are only like $10. They wrap your baby up tight, so their arms aren't failing and hitting them in the face, or stratching themselves and waking themselves up at night. It helps your baby sleep so much better. They have them at BabiesRUs by Kiddopotamus. Here is link for the pic of it: http://www.toysrus.com/product/prodpop.jsp?LargeImageURL=http%3A//TRUS.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pTRU1-3490366dt.jpg&displayTab=enh&productId=2609019&totCount=0

(4) Mylicon: I know that if you have a severely colicy or GERD baby these may not help so much, but soooo many babies have a problem with gas. This is the same stuff as GasX but for babies and it can work wonders!!!!

(5) Medela Comfort Nursing Bra: I don't know about many new mom's but I thought how was I going to sleep comfortably with a bra on??? I found this one from Medela and it is sooooo comfy. This is the one I wear around the house and sleep in. Being big chested I don't care for the look of it when I am out, so I wear a regular underwire nursing bra. This bra is only about $30, but wonderful!!! http://www.toysrus.com/product/prodpop.jsp?LargeImageURL=http%3A//TRUS.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pTRU1-3490366dt.jpg&displayTab=enh&productId=2609019&totCount=0

(6) White Noise: You can either get a white noise machine or make a CD. My husband found white noise on ITunes and just made a CD of it and we put it on repeat to play at bed at night and during naps. You can get the machine for around $30 like this one: http://www.target.com/Conair-Infant-Sound-Machine-SU7/dp/B000EXTWHA/sr=1-2/qid=1244740926/ref=sr_1_2/180-5909401-9772328?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=0&rh=k%3Awhite%5Fnoise%5Fmachine&page=1 or go to ITunes and type in whire noise and download and make your own CD.

I know that every baby is different and things that work for my baby don't always work for everyone else, but these are things to try!!! I hope you find this helpful, b/c most of these thing were recommended to me too!!!!

Motherhood

So as much as I realize I am a mother now, it was really strange when someone at my work last week told me to have a good first Mother's Day. Even still on the day I was thinking mainly about this day was for my mother. I made sure to give her a mother's card and a grandmother's card from Madison. I made sure to write her a nice note to tell her how much I love and appreciate her and she had to hold back her tears. Even though with our finances so skint at the moment I told Ray not to get me a present, but he did get me some great cards. One from him and one from Madison. He does a great job at picking cards, they always seem so perfect. This day that I am now part of is the greatest club to be apart of. I love this little girl more than I could ever realize and somehow the more days I spend with her the more and more I love her. I don't want to be away from her at all. She is the reason I am on this Earth and I am sure of that more than I am anything. I hope I can be half the mother my mom is to me. I hope I give her so much love she always feels complete and happy. My mom has done this for me. I love how I am the one that knows how to get her to sleep, how she likes to be held, how to get her to "talk" to me and I am the one that's feeding her. I love being her mother, and it's hard to believe in months to come I will hear her call me that sweet name of mama. I now realize so many things don't matter anymore. I don't care if we have lots of things, I just want her and Raymon and I to be together and healthy. I am a new person, with a new life and I love it!!!

Learning to Listen

These past couple of weeks have been the best and some of the most trying all at the same time. My baby girl has made me feel so fulfilled and happy. My husband loosing his job and having such a hard time finding a new one has been hard to swallow. I am really trying to see the pros that will come out of this situation. There has to be a message or a lesson here? I know that God is trying to tell us or show us something. We just being the earthly people that we are, are having a hard time listening. That is what I am trying to work on. I know that God is working through us in some way and I want to be so open for whatever he has in store for us. I want all the blessings that he will provide for us. So I pray today that I can learn to listen to God better. I know the more I pray, fellowship and read his word I will hear so much better. I pray I can be the servant he wants me to be!!!

Remembering to have Faith

So... Madison has been apart of our lives for almost 3 weeks now. It has been wonderful, but trying at times. Trying to always figure out what this little person wants and needs is not as easy as it sounds. She has been a gassy girl so mylicon has been our friend and really seems to help her. Sometimes she sleeps really well, and sometimes not. Sometimes you can put her down and sometimes she just wants to be held. Even though I am VERY tired, I look down at her when I am feeding her and I am just amazed. This little girl is all mine. She is the sweetest thing I have ever seen and I fall in love all over again and again. God got us through nine months and gave us a great birthing experience too.

I am trying to hold onto that faith, b/c two weeks before Madison was born Raymon was fired from his job(long story, very stupid, sorry not getting into it). We are currently are fighting it, but not sure it will work. He has put out alot of applications and either has not heard from them, or the positions have already been filled. I am really trying to just give all this to God, but it is hard for me. I am trying to be patient, but after a month it is really hard. I remember he will never give me more than I can handle and he will not forsake me. He gave me this beautiful baby girl and I want to concentrate all on her and not worry about the other stuff. So I am asking for prayers for us, prayers of faith, patience, finding a job soon, and giving it all up to him. I want to believe in good things and know that God will give us just what we need, and it may be on his time, not ours.

The greatest day of my life!!!!

Madison Yvonne Sanders arrived 4/1/09 (on her due date) at 3:14pm. She was 7lbs 12 ounces, and 21 and 1/2 inches long. We waited 9 long months for her, but it was so worth it!!! I never knew what that love was that people talk about and now I do. I feel like I am finally apart of the coolest and greatest club ever!!! She is so beautiful and so perfect!!!

The day before we went to the hospital thinking it was time, but my contractions were not close enough together and after a few hours I was only dialated 1 centimeter and contractions about 7 mins apart, so we were sent home. The gave me some Ambien to sleep. When we got home I took an Ambien and slept for about 2 hours. I woke up and the contractions were so intense I couldn't go back to sleep. Around 3:30a.m I called my midwife and told her my contractions were closer together, more intense and closer to 5 mins apart, so she said come in. We got there and I was 2-3 centimeters, so they said we are having a baby today. They took some blood for labs, started an IV, gave some pain medicine, and ran a liter of fluid through me. Then they came in and gave me an epidural (it was not bad at all) and I was flying high and pain free!!! Then they broke my water and gave me some pitocin. A few hours later I was 5 centimeters, and said she would probably come around 7p.m. Around 2pm they checked me again and I was 8-9 centimeters and the midwife said we are having a baby in about 30mins!!! We were very happy b/c they were talking about a possible c-section b/c every time I had a contraction it made the babies heart rate go down, which they knew was most likely compression on the umbilical cord. So, they got all ready and I started pushing. I only had to push for about 20 mins and she was out. As soon as her head came out the midwife cut the cord b/c it was around her neck and then helped guide her out!!! She didn't cry right away, which again was good, b/c when they broke me water there was meconium(baby poop), so they had a chance to suction her before she inhaled and possibly inhaled that meconium. So she was finally here!!!!

I still cannot believe that God has given me something so wonderful!!! Raymon and I are truly blessed to be able to receive such a gift!!!! I thank everyone for there prayers, help, gifts and everything we have been given! We don't deserve all of this, but are glad to have received it!!!!

False Alarm

So we had a flase alarm the other night. I woke up about 3am on Friday morning and was having alot of pain, but it was in the upper part of my stomach. After an hour and a half of constant pain, with shoots of pain now and then I called the o.b. The midwife told us to come in b/c of my bp issues. So I get there and they hook me up to see if I am having contractions, and they were contractions. They were very inconsistent, but were still painful. Then after about 3 hours they mostly went away. My bp was up when I got there, but once the contractions went away my bp went back down. So the midwife finally came to see us (while we were there she had a vaginal delivery and c-section) and told us we could go home. She checked me and I was not dialated, but she said my cervix was really thinned out so it probably wouldn't be much longer. I am hoping in this next week. I haven't really felt anymore contractions, but the muscles in my stomach are sore from the contractions. So, hopefully not too much longer. So now I have to do the 24hr urine sample all over again and take it in on Monday, since I missed a few hours b/c we were at the hospital. Still have to stay on bedrest too:( I am hoping on Monday when we go to o.b. things will have progressed and they will go ahead and send us across the street to the hospital. So no more dress rehersals to the hospital, just the real thing!!! Pray Madison comes soon!!!

Bed Rest, What????

So now Miss Madison and I are on complete bed rest. We went to the doctor today and they put me on complete bed rest b/c last night we had one bp at 7pm that was 140/90 and at midnight 140/100. It was better this morning, but it's been higher at night. We go back on Friday for an ultrasound and appt. They want to see that she is ok with the ultrasound. I have to do a 24 hour urine specimen too, starting Thursday that I bring to them on Friday. I cannot wait to be carrying around my own piss!!! I know this is best for her, but it makes me want her to come on out. So I am going to be a good patient and stay lying in my recliner or in bed. I miss work already, is that sad or what??? Well my bag is all packed and in the car and we put in the carseat in too. When she decides to come we will be ready! Thanks for everyones support!!! If you get bored someday come visit me!!!!

Coming towards the end

There are only 3 weeks and 3 days until baby Madison is due. I had another great shower that my besties Ariane and Homma threw me. It was so wonderful. It was so nice to have all these people from different parts of our lives together in one room to help us celebrate the arrival of our baby. I am totally overwhelmed at how excited is about our baby and how much people love her so much and have not even met her yet. I cannot wait for all the people we love to meet her. I cannot wait to meet her. I just want God to help us get through the birth and my baby to come out perfect and healthy! Even my Longhorn ladies through me a shower!!! Steven made me a beautiful cake and lots of nice presents! We are so lucky with people giving to us so generously. Ray and I were talking the other day and realized the only we have had to buy is furniture and everything has been given.

I am hoping my little girl comes soon. This week it has gotten hard. I am having issues with my blood pressure being up and having shortness of breath, both are giving me terrible headaches. I cannot walk around a store for 45 mins without being short of breath or getting a headache. I couldn't even sit in a movie theater for 30 mins. I have to be in a cool place and be able to lay on my left side when I start feeling bad. So I don't think I will be going back to work until after she's born, it's earlier than I thought, but I did last till 36 weeks, not to bad. I pray it's not to much longer and God gives me the patience to get through this. I hope it won't be to long!!!!

First shower and Madison's room

So, we have gotten so much done in the past 2 weeks. We painted Madison's room pink and put high gloss stripes on one wall. We put her crib together, got her bedding, the glider, and some decorations. It is coming together really well. We really just need to put the wardrobe together. It is so nice to have her room pretty much done.

On Sunday we had our first baby shower at church. It was so wonderful and emotional all at the same time. Ray's Aunt Pat came from Tampa to it and brought us some great things. She bought us a portable crib, a bag of goodies with onesies, and other baby stuff. Then she gives Raymon a bag with a baby blanket that was his dad's which is actually pink, b/c they didn't know he was going to be a boy. Also, there were two scrapbooks in there:(1) was an album of pics of Ray's dad from baby to adulthood, it was so great!!!(2) was an album of Raymon from baby pics to our wedding. It was the most thoughtful gift. As he was opening them I was crying, Ray was crying, and Aunt Pat was crying. It is just something so wonderful to show Madison he grandfather and father. It was the best. Then my mom gives me my baby hamper and in it our 2 outfits that were mine when I was a baby. I didn't ever remember seeing them so I was totally shocked!!! It was such a meaningful day between the thoughtful gifts and receiveing gifts from people who have known me my entire life and are so completely excited to meet and love Madison.

Now we still have some stuff to do like organize baby things better and organize some other rooms in the house. Only 2 months left until Madison arrives so we got to get on the ball!!!!

Getting ready for baby

So, only really like 10 weeks left until Madison will be here. We finally are getting some things done. First, we got our shed up, so now we can out all the lawn equipment in there and start cleaning out the garage. We gotta make enough room so me and baby can park in there. While Raymon and Jason are cleaning out the garage, me and my girls are going to start painting Madison's room. It should be alot of fun, but alot of work too! I think once we paint her room it will hit me even more that this baby girl will be here very soon! It just seems like these past 6 months we have talked so much about getting ready for her and her coming and now she will be here in a little over 2 months! It is just craziness!!! I know (for the good) our lives are about to change forever. All of this is pretty overwhelming!!! I cannot wait to see her room painted and decorated, it will be sooooo cute!!!!!

Baby girl

This is a beautiful pic ture of my baby girl!!!!

Long time, no blog

So it has been 4 months or so since I have blogged. That is cardinal sin. These past four months my baby has continued to grow. I only have 3 months left before my beautiful, baby girl Madison Yvonne arrives into this world and my life will be changed forever. I will be a mother, she will be depending on me for everything. I pray God gives me everything I need to do this right. I cannot not believe how excited my friends and family are about this. Even people who I am not that close too. I have received so many cute things already and I still have 2 or 3 baby showers to get through. It is so nice!!!! Also, we only have 3 months left to paint her room, her furniture and put new flooring in her room. Continue to pray that everything goes well with the baby and us getting ready for her!!!!